Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
