Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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