i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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