shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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