before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
