Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
