I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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