I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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