my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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