what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
