At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
