I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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