I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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