Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
