i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
What did we do last night that was yellow?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
