I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
