I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
