how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
