i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I have tasted many bathrooms
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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