cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
