Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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