I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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