i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
