I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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