I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
