Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
