I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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