Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
