my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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