Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
