Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
