First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize