I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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