her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
She's JV to your varsity
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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