At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
