life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
