I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize