I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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