i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
