i dont even know how to be here
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize