WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
