Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Randomize
