My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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