you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
