what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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