Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
