I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize