Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
