Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
