TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
where are my eyebrows?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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