Pappa wants mamma naked
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
