I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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