he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
