giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
