9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
