If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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