you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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