it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
