so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Less talking, more tequila
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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