lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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