They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
