He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
