a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
