He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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