It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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