Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
