you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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