If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You can't special order awesome
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
